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captain_pinhead
25 December 2006 @ 09:39 pm
Nobody is online because secretly, you're all religious nutsacks and I bet you are celebrating the birth of your messiah and wearing knitted sweaters whilst unpacking gifts with your families on a rug by a fireplace somewhere. Well I hope you carelessly allow a ribbon to fall into the fireplace when you ravage yet another perfectly packaged little box of goodies. Then, whilst you devour your tasty holiday ham, unbeknownst to your family, the ribbon catches on fire, and, like a fuse, beckons the inferno of the fireplace unto this picturesque scene. Your gifts; your rug; your tree; your decorations; your family pictures; better yet, your family members, all are soon devoured by the merciless flames and all that is left is a lump of coal, and a lump sum of monies from house and life insurance for the delinquent family member who refused to partake in the Christmas farce.
Basically, I hope you're all choking on this joke of a holiday and milking it for any possible financial gain.


Now these are some christmas wishes I doubt you'll ever find inside of a hallmark card.
 
 
 
 
 
captain_pinhead
17 September 2006 @ 03:43 pm
You may know what I look like, I've made photos epic enough, with me wearing a captain hat, too.
I find people are more threatened by unidentifiable jerks, so here, you may know what i look like.
But you will never know what i'm holding in my hand.

HEIL PINHEAD

bow down to my self-assured stance


There you go various randoms, stop getting offended.I'm just a girl with a silly hat who enjoys the art of arrogance. So I made pinhead, combining the hat and arrogance into a silly jerk who suffers from an acute case of unwarranted self-importance. Deal.

 
 
Current Music: beatles
 
 
 
captain_pinhead
17 September 2006 @ 08:40 am
MySpace is an evil thing. Time goes in, empty flattery goes out. It's one giant, multinational bullshit generator. Once in a while you are able to use it to find an amazing person you wouldn't have encountered in person, but I feel I've found the best person on there already. I wish I could click a big delete button, kill the entire site.
I wonder if this hypothetical permanent deletion would lead to an increase in suicide rates. So many people live in there, it's scary. It's their whole fucking life, an image they've created for themselves. It's so much easier to be what they want to be on there- Photoshop out their pimples; write morbid little poems to show how deep they are; take photos that are from such a bizarre angle that they are rendered unrecognisable; be painfully pleasant and proclaim love and thanks and compliments to others. Eventually they'll have to snap out of it and realise that appearances don't matter, and Myspace appearances matter even less. They'll notice that people don't recognise them in real life and (hopefully) make snide remarks about the missing chins in their photos. Then they can chose to never re-enter the cruel real world, or destroy the persona they've invented. Some kill themselves when they see how pointless their life is and how trivial their pursuits are.
It's hard to filter out the fakes and find anyone who is looking for anything beyond comment numbers. And yet I stay, simply sometimes it's cheaper than using my mobile, and in hope of meeting the stray worthwhile human. For those reasons, and the blogging capacities (and potential for minion recruitment), I keep my stupid profile and put up with everyone's blind bullshit. Well I whine about it, in big fonts too. But they can't read my words, it's too difficult a concept for them to ever grasp.
If everyone succumbs like this, or even tolerates Myspace for its limited benefits, it will never die. We must abstain, resist the ego flattery. Then maybe advertising won't make myspace so much money, and the media tycoons can focus their attention on some next big thing instead, leave that place to rott.
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captain_pinhead
There is no direct translation of "ok" and "have fun" in Russian. Improper translations sound off, and even sexual at times. Basically there's no way of saying these things in Russian. At first I thought this was because in Russia nobody is ok, and nobody is having fun, so they wouldn't need corresponding words. I always remember it as a pretty muddy and melancholy place, so it seemed plausible that nobody there was experiencing contentment or wishing a fun time upon someone.

For the first time ever, I may be wrong. I now think that the absence of these phrases from the language may be a result of the culture’s acknowledgement of the insignificance of such trivialities.
You may not be aware of it, but western countries stress the importance of appearances over truth. People will often ask how you’ve been. They generally have no intention of hearing anything meaningful, and you have no intention of conveying anything of the sort. So you say “ok”. You express nothing. In Russia, if someone asks how you’re doing, it’s not a passing remark and it would usually require a more elaborate and revealing response. It is not asked for the sake of asking it, rather to actually communicate with people. You wouldn’t see endless kisses and “I love you”s manifesting themselves in Myspace comments written by anyone brought up in this society. That’s why I’ve waged my war on pleasantries, I suppose. Though I like to think I do things of my own accord and I’m not swayed by things I can’t take credit for like ‘country of birth’.
examines the two phrases and draws conclusions far beyond the scope of my knowledge.
 
 
Current Location: "chair"
Current Mood: sick (of the list of moods)
Current Music: The Bronx
 
 
 
captain_pinhead
you wish your scrotum had this much style

I can't believe people still use the "intelligent design" argument, despite the existence of this kind of thing. What kind of "intelligent" god would create such a thing? Fluff instead of feathers, a scrotum replacing a face; this guy is lucky he's in a zoo, because he would have no chance of surviving in the wild.
 
 
Current Mood: highly amused
 
 
 
captain_pinhead
26 August 2006 @ 07:24 pm
- If ever you are in need of attention, cause unnecessary & provocative chaos. Attention is positively certain to ensue, though it is unlikely to be respectful and flattering attention. Don’t be phased, however, for this attention can be retaliated with more chaos, this time tailored to abuse those who provided attention. Once this gets underway, continuous disregard for other people’s feelings will no doubt make this a rewarding interaction for you.
- FUCKBALL should be introduced as an official sport. It would be much like football, but with a new and sexier way of scoring.
- People grow to despise other beings when they see positive qualities that are too intensely superior to their own exhibited in this other being. Intelligence, wit, will power and compassion cease being admirable qualities when they reach levels that are envied by those around them. The envy threshold varies for each potentially inferior, spiteful person you encounter. The threshold can be directly calculated by calculating the superiority gap between you and your peers. The larger the superiority, the more likely you are to be resented for your good qualities.
- Anyone plagued by their overwhelmingly brilliant attributes can create an illusion of incompetence if they wish to avoid being resented by their peers. Those with awe-inspiring wit can either forego verbalising said wit, or continuously proclaim that they are a pathetic pinhead to compensate for their demonstrated superiority.
- People are retarded, not that I didn't know this already. I did note certain examples of our animal-like motivations and behaviour after studying the primates on WritingFeedback. Social experiments sure are fun, but ultimately they leave you disappointed in human nature. These conclusions are to be refined after deeper examination of what actually happened, it's a bit blurry. Basically I accidentally found the most pretentious writing community on LJ and posted a ridiculous jumble of arrogance by Captain Pinhead on it. They were so deeply offended by his arrogance that they missed the entire "satire" point of it (and thus any meaning behind it), became threatened by my exhibited arrogance and proceeded to get really worked up about very trivial things. It was hilarious stuff, and I decided to let Pinhead do most of the talking after I realised that there were no intelligent lifeforms amongst the participating self-appointed authoritative critics.
The hideous stupidity of human behaviour in all of it's glory.

This is all I can make out from the demented scribbles in my diary. I’m still too tired to even comprehend whether or not these “conclusions” make sense.
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
 
 
 
captain_pinhead
21 August 2006 @ 07:47 pm
i_want_hallucinogens
 
 
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
 
 
 
captain_pinhead
Being a Jerk can be incredibly fulfilling. By reading this article you are taking the first step to becoming a complete and utter Jerk with little or no regard for anyone but yourself. Upon completion of this basic training, you will be able to re-enter into society and “Jerk it up a notch” with your shameless egotistical behaviour. You will find that once you start practicing, your Jerk tactics will naturally escalate until you find yourself disregarding people in ways you’ve never before thought possible.
Jerk It Up a NotchCollapse )